Have you ever realized you were different?

This summer, I discovered something about myself that changed my life and altered my worldview (literally).

Let me explain. My husband, Phil, and three of our children went on a fun, memorable RV road trip to Halifax. We had a great time and made lots of memories. Of course, I took lots of photos so that I’ll be able to remember the trip.

But there’s another reason I take so many photos.

Because I have aphantasia.

Never heard of it? I hadn’t either. I’d love to explain what this is and why I’ve come to realize it’s actually my superpower.

An outdoor Niagara family photography session

Family of four poses during their Niagara photography session

What is Aphantasia?

Here’s the best way for me to explain it.

Ready to play?

Close your eyes for five seconds and picture an apple.

Okay, you’re back. What did you see when you closed your eyes?

If you pictured an apple, then you don’t have aphantasia.

Do you know what happens when I close my eyes and try to picture an apple?

Nothing.

I don’t see anything.

My mind is blank. In fact, when I close my eyes, I just see black. That’s how it’s been my whole life, and I had no idea there was anything different. It wasn’t until my son Henry told me about aphantasia that I realized that I had this. He experiences it too. I was talking to my kids about something, and it hit me. I said, “Wait a minute, when you're drawing something, you see it in your head, and then you draw it?”

They said yes, and my mind was blown.

how this studio photographer using aphantasia in her photography business

I didn’t think anybody could see pictures in their head, that was ridiculous. That just can’t be a thing. I've always thought that everybody else in the world was just using those things as like “picture it,” as a figure of speech. But when I have a thought, or in photography when I'm visualizing something, I'm really just thinking about it in terms of a list of what I'd like to see, or ideas. I don't actually see anything in my mind.

I think that's why I love photography so much, because it's a way to capture the things that I would not otherwise remember.

One of the reasons I always take a lot of photos on vacation is so that I can look back on them and remember our trip. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to conjure up the images in my head.

Why Having Aphantasia is My Superpower

At first, I was a little sad to realize that I had this. I thought about all the things I was missing out on by not visualizing things in my head. Then I realized that aphantasia is actually a superpower for me. Having this has helped me become the person I am today.

Here are a few examples.

In order to visualize something, I have to draw it out on paper. For example, when I’m creating a wall gallery mockup for a portrait client, I have to draw the gallery out on a piece of paper. It’s nice to be able to share that mockup with clients and collaborate with them, along with having a set plan in place.

I have documented processes for everything in my business. I can’t picture what’s ahead, so by having everything written down, I’m more organized and on track for it.

On a personal note, another positive thing is that it's easier to forgive and forget when you're not replaying the visual memories of what someone has done. People never need to worry about me stewing on something or replaying it in my mind over and over again because, well, I can’t.

6 Ways Aphantasia Helps Me Become a Better Photographer

1. Paying Attention to Details

My mind isn’t running through thoughts and memories. In any interaction leading up to or during our photography session, I’m fully engaged in my present scene. This can help in photography because I notice the small textures, gentle sounds, and tender feelings during newborn and family sessions. And I want to capture it all for you so that you don’t need to rely on your own mental image.

2. Feeling Empathy and Connection

I can’t imagine things. Literally. I’m invested in each and every one of my clients that walks into my studio. I want to learn about you and your family by asking you lots of questions and getting to know you. My photography thrives in genuine connection.

3. Making Creative Compositions

Without a mental picture in my mind, I’m free to capture your portraits without any reservations. The studio is my canvas, and your beautiful family is the paint. My compositions are guided by feelings and moments, creating images that tell interesting stories and document every sweet moment for you.

4. Being Flexible

I’m not working off a mental image, so during our session, I may try new styles and techniques or be totally open to going with the flow. There’s never any stiff or unnatural posing in the studio because I don’t know how to even do that. I only see your family’s love and connection as I snap away with my camera.

What is Aphantasia and how it benefits my family photography business

5. Collaborating with Clients

No two sessions are alike. I’m not using a mental image from a previous session or working off a mental list. My work is more inclusive and centered around my clients' love and connection with each other.

6. Living in the Moment

Aphantasia helps me be more present in the moment. I focus on capturing real feelings and actions instead of thinking about how the final picture will look. This can result in honest and touching photos.⁠